The Secrets of Serised

“I made a promise to myself that no matter what, I’d do my best to stay strong. I don’t want everyone to treat me like a kid. I don’t want them to tiptoe around me, worrying that they’ll make me sad. You know?” Her voice shook as she continued. “But no matter how hard I try, it seems I just can’t get it right.” She tried to appear nonchalant as she wiped the tears off her face. “Stupid sand,” she mumbled unconvincingly before she looked at him again.

“I’m sorry, Julian. I don’t know why I’m telling you all this.” She laughed nervously. “Probably because I know you’re the only one who won’t really care. Oh!” she covered her mouth with her hand. “I’m sorry. Please don’t take that the wrong way. I just meant that you’re always so blunt. You would never worry about hurting me. And that’s okay. It’s good that you’re honest.”

Her words hit him like a boulder. You would never worry about hurting me. It’s good that you’re honest. Half was the truth, and half was a lie. All lie, the little voice whispered. Shut up, he told it. He realized then that she was expecting him to say something, but he wasn’t sure exactly what.

He stopped walking and faced her, taking in her tear-stained face as he spoke. He could smell her pleasant, feminine smell. It acted on him like a powerful drug. He felt taken in. At ease. Almost trusting. Her hair whispered across her face like a shadow, the breeze dancing with the delicate locks to an unheard song. The words he spoke next came from deep inside him, from a part of himself that he could not remember ever being there before.

“Lily, no one is expecting you not to be sad.” Something twisted in his stomach. He remembered the storm, her frightened hands clenching his arm, the shiver that had spread from her fingertips to his spine. He wanted to reach out, to touch her hair. It looked so soft, so beautiful.

“No one in your position should have to be strong, not in times like these.” What was happening to him? “But you’re a lot stronger than you think. You have to believe me. That’s the truth.”
She was looking at the ground, blinking hard to keep the tears back, but they managed to break free, falling like crystal raindrops to the sand below. Instinctively, he reached out and touched her face. Lily’s heart leapt from her chest to her throat. His palm was warm and dry . . . and so gentle. She had never expected such from Julian. Not him, not the cold, calculating boy who didn’t really seem to care about anyone. She looked up at him. The emotion on his face was so powerful that she nearly stepped back. His icy gaze had melted away, and concern and longing were etched into his face, his eyes. He brushed a single tear from her cheek with his thumb.
He wanted to hold her close to him, he realized now. He wanted to keep her safe. Protect her. Die for her. There was nothing he would rather do. He wanted to . . . kiss her.

Sharp pains overtook his chest, and he set his teeth to keep from flinching. He clutched at it with both hands, unconsciously brushing his one hand against the glove covering the other, reminding himself of his true purpose.

I’m a monster, he realized. Pure and simple.

He turned swiftly and walked back towards camp, leaving her behind him, angry with himself.

Idiot! Where did all that mush come from? If she knew what you were really like, she’d probably try to stick a sword through your chest. You’re responsible for all her pain! Don’t you know that? What were you thinking? She’d hate you if she knew you! She’d hate you. You’re a monster. You don’t even deserve to speak to someone like her. The pain in his chest and the voice in his head both got stronger, and he clutched at his heart, falling to his knees, a groan escaping his lips. Lily caught up to him and put her hands on his shoulders.

“Julian! Are you all right?”

He was grimacing, but he struggled to his feet. “I’m fine,” he snapped. “Don’t touch me.” She backed away at his tone. “Just go back to bed. You can’t expect to rescue anyone if you don’t sleep.”

Much better. It was as if he were a completely different person than the one who had just spoken such kind words to her. The pain started to recede, and the voice quieted. In its place came a real noise, far off in the distance. Lily heard it too, and there was fear in her eyes, though whether it was because of him or the noise, Julian couldn’t be sure.

“What is it?”

“No . . . not now. Not now!” Julian’s words were a fierce whisper, meant only for himself. He grabbed Lily’s arm and shouted over the din that was growing louder by the second. A large black cloud was approaching them. “Run!” She never questioned but broke into a sprint towards the camp. They were actually approaching the cloud, but they had to get to the others. Lily didn’t know what was happening, but she knew it was bad. She nearly kept pace with Julian, but her chest felt ready to burst. She hadn’t realized how far they’d gotten from camp. She looked up into the sky and saw individual shapes in the cloud now.

No, that isn’t a cloud. But what? she thought, fear consuming her.

They reached the others, who were up, covering their ears. “What is it?” called Xander.

“Snagap! It’s the Snagap! We have to get to El Bib!”